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Dreamer, Party of One


Daydreaming about fabulous end results isn't something that's new for me. Going out and trying to claim those dreams also isn't completely new for me.


My first flight ever was to NYC for a job interview right out of college and did I mention I have a pretty intense fear of flying? I was so nervous that I met with my doctor prior to the trip and she prescribed a low dose anxiety medication for me to take during the flying process. Easy peasy, right? Not exactly.


There was the small issue of the fact that I'm extremely (like level 10) sensitive to medications, this low dose anxiety pill turned me into a blubbering, drooling, forgot my interview notes on the plane kind of mess. Even better? My interviews were scheduled to begin only a couple of hours after landing.


I think the unfortunate realization that there was no way I was landing a job that trip began to sink in around the time I found myself slurring over words that consisted of me telling one of my dad's golfing stories to the VP of Advertising at some prestigious firm. Who knew I was even listening when my dad talked about golf?! What's funny (actually hilarious) now was completely and totally devastating at the time. It had been my entire life's dream, mission really, to move to New York and live happily ever after. What now? I had no plan B, there was no other option! It had to work! Wrong.


While I did end up living and working in NYC eventually (2 years later and then again for a second time last year), it wouldn't have been the right time or the same experience if it had happened when I wanted it to. I likely wouldn't have met my husband or made some of my best, lifelong friendships. It wouldn't have been the experience I was meant to have.

When you're "stuck" in the season of waiting, that seems to be the absolute worst part of any process. Whether it's waiting to find out a diagnosis from your doctor, waiting to see if you got your dream job, wondering if your offer will be accepted on a home you've already pictured your life in; waiting can be paralyzing. An important part of my growth process this past year though has been allowing myself the ability to get comfortable in the waiting.

In fact, a couple of days ago during my workout class, I was hit pretty hard with a knowledge bomb from the instructor relating specifically to this. As part of the class, we have to hold ourselves in a plank. Sometimes we do different "flows" during the plank portion of the class and those flow sessions, I'm fine with. It's when the instructor announces to hold our plank seemingly indefinitely and remain completely still that I want to give up and drop to my knees.


What the teacher said a couple of days though really stuck with me. She said to embrace the chaos that comes with complete stillness. Get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Strength is created during those moments. And you know what? It's true.

This whole journey of realizing what could be my next step in life has often felt like holding an indefinite plank. I've wanted to drop to my knees, give up and be satisfied with doing what's easy. While opening a retail space as someone with zero retail background doesn't seem like the most logical decision, it feels right. So, as long as it continues to feel like what I'm supposed to do, I'm going to keep trying and I hope that you will be there right along side me trying too. I want this store to be something that is a community effort, not just one person's dream.


Hannah

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